When I Am Who I Am Becomes An Excuse


She sits idly by on a subway seat, confused, shocked and almost lifeless. Our New York subway system is accustomed to hosting relationship disputes of all kind—and so are the MTA commuters.

We all felt a sense of “Poor girl” (at least that was the expression of most people during our commute) when her lived-in boyfriend said, “I am who I am—I cannot change.” 

Her request? Please stop cheating on me.

No matter how you say it:

I am who I am…

I’m set in my ways…or,

I’m too old to change, there is almost a sting of defeat that comes with expressions that limits, confines and adds a death sentence to the evolution of our spirits. 

I do not know the whole story. I cannot pretend to say that I do. Nonetheless, in situations as such there are two questions to ask your self:

Can I fully accept the person for where they are in life AND does this really work for me?

In various cases so many of us find ourselves at a fork in the road.  We might have evolved in our personal thinking, have additional diverse life experiences under our belt or decided to take more of an active role in our internal health.

It’s not to judge the experiences of others, but if you are interested in doing self-work and your partner is not, where does that leave the evolution of your relationship?

People and things change all of the time. We are all entitled to change our minds. Nevertheless, in any kind of relationship, it is important to understand that if you offer a word of commitment from your personal space, you must take responsibility for those declarations.  

And, I’m not talking about shopping at the black & white market either. Life can be complicated—very gray—and a rollercoaster. But, the one measure that you can control is the ever-evolving spiritual foundation in which you operate from. Foundations are grounded, rooted in some kind of personal truth.  But, remember, foundations are also meant to progress.

I am who I am becomes an excuse when you no longer seek to grow or develop your own personhood—and this goes beyond accepting where you are in life and who you have become.

The number 1 rule of self-work is yes, accepting the present moment, others and firstly ourselves for any situation or circumstance. But, it does not stop there!

Consider pondering the following questions:

If I see a circumstance in my life as a “problem”, what am I willing to do in order to rectify the matter? Am I willing to seek out help for my growth edge? Am I willing to do the work necessary to evolve in my spiritual life?

Frankly put, what am I willing to do, in order to be a better me?  

Truth be told, it’s not casting a sentence on your self, but more so understanding the cycle of life and knowing that we are responsible for our life and actions. When we seek to not nourish, tend to or enhance any living substance, it dies—and the most painful death is that of our life-force—the spiritual compass in which we function and receive direction from, our spirit.

And the most precious gift that we can give to ourselves is functioning from a place of knowing that we can always change and shift any conditions of our choosing. It’s not magic—it’s deciding that your spirit is deserving and worthy of expansion.

Homework: Is there a pattern or lifestyle that troubles you? Be vulnerable with yourself and write a list of things that you would personally like to change. No blaming or pointing fingers allowed. This is all about you.

Next, ask yourself for each marker, what are you willing to do in order to move beyond the space? The answers are there—ultimately rooted in what you are prepared to do, today. 

Klay WilliamsComment