The Safety Net That's Keeping You Miserable & Unhappy
Spring has sprung and it's time to reinvent ourselves, take the leap of faith toward that bucket list item, move beyond that stagnant personal or professional relationship and do something that's completely new...right?!
In theory that sounds lovely, but for a lot of us, the idea of a safety net that we believe is providing "security" is the actual web that's keeping us stuck and unhappy.
Sounds familiar? Keep reading.
I recently concluded coaching services with a client who was in a "safe" job for over 10 years. Her pattern of finding "safe" and sturdy experiences in her life, also led to a 5 year relationship, with someone that she did not have much in common or shared values. But, on paper, he was the ideal partner that would always be available. (Or so, she thought).
Her daily routine consisted of a cubicle, gluten-free lunch and dinners with bae, pilates, sleep and repeat.
She thought that she was living the dream. How could there be anything else more valuable as she amassed a certain level of wealth, was fit and had a great guy.
One day her lived-in boyfriend told her that he was very unhappy and did not want to continue their relationship. As she tried to rationale and justify why they were "great" for each other, it was his sobering question that led to an avalanche of emotions:
"Are you with me because I make you happier...because, you love who I am and how I make you feel?"
She responded: Of course, of course! You make me feel...you make me feel...well, I love the way you...we have so much in common with...well...you make me feel safe.
"Safe?", he said.
"Well, yes. Safe and...miserable. Oh gosh, I'm not happy here either!"
They shared tears of relief, sadness and excitement as they agreed to come up with an exit plan that worked well for both of them.
Not every story of this sort has an amicable point-of-exit. As we talked and worked through her pattern of safety, she had no idea that her life's blueprint were to be in spaces that would not allow her to stretch in to the fields of her dreams, desires, visions and frankly, fun. She was taught that her biggest aim in life should be stability - as her dad worked so hard to keep food on their table. His pattern of "living in struggle" taught her to "struggle to live," at all costs, as long as her bank account was positive.
Without blame, take a look at your life's blueprint. Are you happy? Are you working against your true self? How long have you stayed in this space and when did it start?
Chances are, your pattern of safety is zigzagging, flipping and jumping through every lived experience that you're having - ultimately taking away our greatest reward: the spirt of freedom to live.