How to Rise above the 'I'm Just Happy to Be Here' Phenomenon
Have you ever found yourself in a meeting, a room, or an experience that seemed like a distant dream? After enduring numerous rejections, there you are, finally crossing over into the promised land. As you wipe off the dust from your battered boots, now missing their stitching and with a heel barely holding on, you take a deep breath—a sigh of relief—letting go of the past while welcoming a new opportunity.
Finally free from the weight of previous rejections, you feel like you've made it.
A new conversation begins with figures, facts, and propositions floating across the table.
You smile.
Agreements are made.
You smile.
Signatures are recorded.
You smile.
No longer in a state of transition.
You smile.
The project is completed.
You smile.
A few months pass, and you're now chatting with your new colleagues at your new level. You learn that their experiences were different from yours. The additional perks, base pay, and day-to-day details of your contract seem inconsequential compared to theirs. Then your new colleague says, "Did you ask for (blank)?" Reflecting on your journey, you realize that you didn't ask many questions, if any.
"I was just happy to be here," is the phrase you recall telling yourself. The haze of that moment becomes clearer as you awaken from your daydream and say aloud, "I just smiled." The allure of reaching your dream destination without being prepared to ask empowering questions for yourself, inviting others into your ideas, and establishing expansive boundaries of support is a result of days, years, and decades of rejection.
What’s ironic here? Your feelings and inner experience with rejection resurface again, but this time in your moment of victory.
How is that even possible?
For many, unprocessed rejection becomes an external verdict—a judgment—a form of law that has power over your sense of belonging, mattering, and, dare I say, your being. What began as a rejection of your idea, project direction, invitation, or application transforms into a rejection of you. You might ask, “Is the author being overly dramatic?”
Consider our relationship with our dream ideas and visions for our lives. When our ideas surface or an opportunity to showcase our talents arises, many of us treat these experiences as attachments to us rather than expressions that flow through us. The manner in which you came up with one great idea is also how you can come up with the next. The opportunity that surfaced as "the one" can be ceded to another favorable occasion that's yet to come. But what happens when we elevate our desires as kings in our lives? They have the ability to overtake our freedom.
Holding dreams and aspirations on a pedestal above you, you take them into the world, testing your theories and experiments, seeking the one person or entity that can change your life with one "yes." Rejection comes from the first person, then the 100th person, and so on. Now, your idea, once exalted, is being trampled upon, and the compounding result is not that you haven't found the right partner but, "No one wants me."
Left powerless, lights off, without a backup generator, a power source finally comes. You’re so excited that someone is validating your dream, recognizing your talents and ideas. Someone chose you. Someone chose your ‘being’ and not simply your ‘idea’. No questions are asked, no lists of needs are shared, no requests are projected—at least not on your behalf.
"I was just happy to be here," is the phrase you recall telling yourself. The fog of that moment becomes clearer by the second as you awaken from your daydream and say aloud, "I just smiled."
How can we prepare ourselves to receive more than just an invitation to the spaces we desire to be in?
Prepare not only for your dream outcome but also for the moments thereafter by creating a list of your needs, desires, and asks. Have you done market research on pay trends? Have you sought out relationships or online resources that speak to similar circumstances in alignment with your current opportunities? Are there value alignments with your partnerships that truly work for your best interests? If it's not a healthy partnership of values from day one, day ten will not get any better.
Time is on your side and working for you. When we feel a brush against time, we tend to think that we better accept any opportunity that comes along because we won’t have another shot. Time is not only a protector, it’s a teacher. Time gives us a foundation not only to respect our craft but to respect ourselves. If you look back at the timing of your life, when has it ever failed you?
Your dreams are not above you or below you; they're within. But, with one caveat: Your dreams are free-flowing. The minute we attach a position of power to our dreams is the minute they overtake us and make us feel less than. Think higher of your creativity and talents. These areas are ever-evolving, with new and adjusted energies constantly flowing. There is no need for attachments, only invitations to partner with your goals and talents, trusting not only the timing of your life but also when and how to expand your visions.
Compounded rejection has absolutely nothing to do with your personhood. Nonetheless, unprocessed daily rejection can invite us into a state of victimhood and mischaracterizations of the truth of who we are. It is okay to love your talents, abilities, and ideas. We fall prey to the falsities of what rejection can tell us if we're not secure in our personal code of ethics and foundation. Without your gifts and talents, you still have value. Without a title or role, you have remarkable value. You have value because you exist. Existing by itself gives us invaluable permission to make our requests known and ask questions.
The long game never acquiesces to the ‘I’m just happy to be here’ phenomenon. Most shortcuts are rooted in some form of desperation, hopelessness, and anxiety. Of course, there are short-term goals that we all should have. But, there’s a reason why they are short-lived. Short-term goals are not supposed to work in the same strategic overview as long game initiatives. If we consider the nature of the long game, this propensity moves ahead into the future, knowing that as we build our crafts, expand our visions, and work smartly to arrive at our end goal, it is already done. Therefore, there is no space for desperation, only clarity that the right set of circumstances will appear in due time.
The effect of compounding rejection is elevated during states of transition. Whether you’re entering retirement, transitioning into entrepreneurship, taking a break, or simply in a state of uncertainty for your unique situation, thoughts of former experiences with rejection often make their move. Foundation, foundation, and foundation matter greatly. Who are you when the world does not agree with you? Who are you in the silent hours of your life? Who are you when things do not go your way?
I invite you to reassess your influence, not only at the table but also in the present moment, as you empower yourself throughout the process.